TGIF! + Things I don't say.

It's nearly Friday.

The first one of the fall semester. This means I have basically survived the first week of my job educating the youth of America. (Yeah, you can laugh. I do too. Insanely. Hysterically. Uproariously.) Friday is always appreciated, but especially on introductory weeks like this one. As always, the first week back mostly involves lots of safety talks and waiver signage, all so the university doesn't get sued in the event of catastrophe/extreme stupidity. Or catastrophes caused by extreme stupidity. Whatever.

My labs are all off to great, running, jumping, enthusastic starts. My students are always eager to learn and love to ask lots of great questions. Unfortunately, I'm not going to mention any of those here. Instead, here are a few of the gems I've gotten thus far:

Student: Waves syllabus in air, right after I hand it to him. 'Do we really need this?'
Me: No. We kill rainforests for fun, and in your magnificent honor.

Student: Picks up box clearly labeled 'Delicate Task Wipes.' Squints at box. Turns box over in hands, examining all sides. Asks, 'What's this for?'
Me: It's a stable for teacup unicorns.

Student: 'So do we, like, have to cut stuff up in here?'
Me: 'It's biology lab.'
Student: 'Like, what do we dissect?'
Me: Students who ask stupid questions.

Student looking at preserved bucket of crayfish: 'Can we eat those, after we're done with them?'
Me: Please do. Wash it all down with a cup of the formalin that it's preserved in while you're at it.

Student: *During the middle of lab* 'Why won't my texts send?'
Me: -_-

Student: *Looking at a one-dimension, side-view illustration of an octopus.* 'Do they really only have one eye?'
Me: I quit.

As you can see, folks, it's looking to be another greatly educational year.